Topdressing Anyone?
By Andrea Peck
There is always some sort of discrepancy that faces a family. There are never clear seas. A day or a few may go by without a ripple, but that is the extent of unfettered peace; it is not meant to endure. We are plagued by a few thorny subjects; one or two points of contention, and here and there, a set of little hardly-important wobbles. The topic of repotting a large plant is one such wobble. It is a subject that is broached with care lest it become a hardy point of disagreement. The plant is there. Always there. But the adult occupants of the home skirt around the issue; clearly no one wants to deal with its silent presence. Perhaps one adult shies away from heavy lifting. The other balks at the cost of a new, larger pot. Maybe you are the gardener. Maybe your significant other has trash duty.
In quiet moments, one of these adults may begin to speak on the subject and then trail off and turn away.
The conversation starter, weak though it may be, at least gives the speaker the honor of making an attempt. A response that sounds like gobbledygook may ensue. Then suddenly, the topic is dropped and both backs are turned towards the offending indoor item. It is a primitive move.
Ah, the quandaries that beset a family.
But, don't break out your white board and begin brainstorming just yet. Resist the urge to find an online article called “How to Get Your Spouse to Deal with the Indoor Plant.”
There is a better way.
Repotting need not be the answer at all. Not when you have topdressing. Doesn't that have a fancy ring? Can you just see yourself the next time this pseudo conversation appears out of nowhere?
Your spouse: Hmmm. Should that plant? Repotted? Um. (This is said in an incomprehensible dialect that sounds purposefully similar to a Neanderthal).
You fight your normal urge to turn away.
You channel Audrey Hepburn and say (cooly): You know, darling, I recently read that repotting is pase' when it comes to large plants. In fact, we can topdress our ficus instead. What do you think?
You can even appropriate a slight European accent to drive home the idea that this is in fact de rigueur.
Once your partner agrees, joy ensues. Love and dopamine shower you both as you have now headed off what could have become a Stage 1, Bone of Contention-type marital issue.
So, are you sold?
Well, then, let me tell you it could not be easier. Instead of lugging that old platypus of a plant outside and buying a heavy and expensive new pot that won't fit in your car, simply let the soil of your plant dry out.
Then, let your plant crumble into dust and buy a fake plant.
Ha! Ha! Just kidding. You can see how I get myself into trouble.
Okay, back to topdressing. Let the top inch of soil dry out and loosen it with a fork. Gently remove that soil with a spoon. Then, with the fork, make gentle perforations in the remaining soil. Finally, replace the soil that you excavated with a quality potting soil. Try to do this yearly in the spring.
Then, find your new best friend and go out to dinner with the money and time you saved.