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A Santa Clara County 4-H Club staged an assembly for Westmont High School students in Campbell, Calif., March 7 to teach young people how to avoid common, but unhealthy, patterns in teenage relationships that could escalate to domestic violence.

Local Assemblymember Rebecca Cohn’s personal interest in the subject prompted the 4-H members to delve into the very personal, and often very private disintegration of love relationships into emotional and physical abuse.

“I grew up in a family with violence.  On a daily basis, my stepfather beat my mother.  It was an extreme distraction and very upsetting,” said Cohn as she spoke to the 1,100 high school students, the third largest group of people she has addressed since taking office two and a half years ago. 

“It took me 15 years to say something to another person.  That person was a high school drama teacher, who took the time to listen and offer support.  It was because of my drama teacher,” Cohn said, her voice breaking with emotion, “that I am standing here today.”

The leadership committee of the El Sereno 4-H Club hoped to make a similar difference in the lives of Westmont High School students. Teenagers, some of them 4-H members, acted in three vignettes to give students vivid examples of relationships heading down a destructive path.

In the first skit, a boyfriend and girlfriend are speaking on the phone.

“So you like Kyle better than me?” the girl asks indignantly when her beau explains he must help a friend that evening rather than spend time with her.  Eventually she insists he choose between his friend and her love.

In another skit, a boyfriend loudly criticizes the length of his girlfriend’s skirt in front of others.  The couple continues to throw barbs and insults at one another, leading to his pushing her violently into a car dashboard and blaming his actions on her for “making me so mad.”

The lesson:  trying to control someone or being controlled by someone are signs of an unhealthy relationship.  Holding up posters, 4-H members outlined the traits of a healthy love relationship, including respect, communication, understanding, trust and honesty.

The 4-H club leadership group that pulled the assembly together was Margo Lang, Julisia Banach and Jennifer Ku.  In June 2002, they attended the 4-H California Focus program in Sacramento, during which they met Assemblymember Cohn and learned about her commitment to protecting people from domestic violence.  The trio decided that educating local teens about domestic violence would be the action plan they take home from California Focus.

Through the assemblymember’s office, they linked up with Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence, an organization that provided the scripts for the skits. They contacted numerous agencies that provide support to people in abusive relationships and produced a flyer so all teens at the high school would know where to go if they need help.

“The girls didn’t even know what domestic violence was before they went to Sacramento to meet their legislators,” said the girls’ 4-H leader Deborah Lang, Margo’s mother.  “In school, they learn about sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, alcohol and drug abuse, but nobody tells them how to treat each other in a relationship.”

Putting together the hour-long assembly was challenging, she said, but, “for 4-H’ers, ‘hard’ isn’t a barrier.”

The three girls plan to present the assembly to students at other local high schools and to create a packet of materials and instructions for youth-adult teams to use to produce domestic violence education programs for their own high schools or communities.